Chapter II

FEMININE ACTIVENESS
AND MASCULINE PASSIVENESS

Utterly active man has flown to space. The absolutely passive marble goddess is looking into the distance with her blind eyes. For a while we are going to say good-bye to these characters. In this chapter we are going to deal with real men and women, made of flesh and blood. Of course, we will not use their names and telephone numbers. Using examples taken from real life we aim to show what the specific feminine activeness and the masculine passiveness are, also somewhat specific. Keeping in mind that an example is not a proof we took a sample of evidences that, in our opinion, give rather a complete picture of mutual predilections of both sexes. We are going to analyze rather a curious genre that is personal ads. But before that, we offer you some theoretical observations.

We know that activeness supposes exhibiting and attracting people’s attention to what one wants to offer. The thing one offers will never reach the customer if it is not attractive.

Attractiveness… This word popped out just on time. It seems to stand for a certain human feature. As we are dealing with sexes, why do we not ask: is it a manly or a womanly feature? And one more question: is attractiveness an external (biological) or internal (social) quality?  We will try to solve both questions at a time.

If we say that Sima is an attractive young lady, it would not be an indication of her studying philology, nor being good at gathering berries and cooking magnificent borsch. All these qualifications are very nice, but womanly attractiveness (yes, it is a feminine quality!) means something different. Man is first of all attracted by a woman’s appearance: her body, her hair, her eyes, the way she moves… It will not be much of an exaggeration if we say that when a man sees a woman of appealing looks one thought penetrates his mind like a spark discharge: “A woman! Oh my god, what a woman!” A woman in her turn seeing a man equally handsome would think: “Oh, a man … I wonder what is he like?” What she is interested in are his internal human qualities. These social qualities (we named some of them in the previous chapter) make a man attractive. So we can speak about masculine attractiveness, though if we say “what an attractive gentleman” there is some risk of misunderstanding.

Attractiveness appears to be a feminine external biological quality. Therefore, womanly activeness is to be applied to her good looks. Men’s demand for this and that kind of shapes, eyes and eyelashes determines corresponding women’s supply. This is theory. We take it from real life. There is no difficulty getting to know for what men have a weakness as well as what means women use to charm the opposite sex. In order to statistically illustrate our conclusions we will go to a selection of typical personals of women [Из рук в руки. 2000. №№ 104, 127, 128, 137, 143. (Iz ruk v ruki, a popular Russian paper of free ads)]. Let us see what women offer and what they expect to get in return.

F: 19, 173cm, 57kg. I’m an attractive girl. You are honest, serious and just a good guy not older than 25. Ready to share with you all the joys and sorrows and become your faithful companion in life.

F: 24, 162cm. Slim, charming black-haired, college educated, seeks reliable professional man 25-40 y.o. for love and marriage.

F: 25, 176cm, 58kg. Attractive, slim, long brown hair, gray eyes, college educated, N/S, N/D. You: decent, reliable, sure in yourself, without financial and housing problems, up to 36 y.o. wishing and able to create a family.

F: 26, 158cm. Looking 20, openhearted, sincere, having common sense, serious, brown hair, college grad, educated family. You: degree in technical science, independent, responsible, intellectually wealthy. For marriage.

F: 29, 180cm, 65kg. Stylish, N/S, N/D, interesting, educated, independent, outspoken, single, seeking husband, reliable and decent.

F: 30, 178cm. Tall, full-figured, dark hair, dark eyes, educated, N/S, N/D, without children. Would like to meet a good, kind man, a friend for life.

F: 31, 170cm, 52kg. Very beautiful, merry, light, tender, college degree, doctor, with a child, seeking intelligent, reliable, responsible, without housing problems, for serious LTR and family.

F: 36, 180cm, 64kg. Model figure, blue eyes, long hair, romantic, 1 y.o. baby. Seeking normal man, N/S, N/D, for family and children.

F: 40, 167cm. Pleasant appearance, looking younger, slender, N/S, N/D, without problems. Hope to happily meet a reliable, decent man without problems.

F: 41, 162cm. Green eyes, brown hair, feminine, a little plump, with impressive shapes, college degree, sense of humor, without children, divorced. You: under 51, N/S, N/D, without problems, single.

F: 47, 164cm. Still hoping to meet my second half. Maybe, it is you?

F: 50, 160cm. Energetic, nice appearance, long blond hair, looking younger, without problems. Will meet a man, single, caring, without problems, under 57 y.o. for family.

Have you noticed: eleven out of twelve women describe their appearance, in a way more or less truthful and detailed. On the other hand, none says a word about the looks of the man she wants to meet. If we made a wider selection of ads we would surely come across women’s requests concerning men’s appearance. But it would not be the part that makes the rule.

So what do women advertise?

First of all, figure, appearance, face. Here is a far from complete list of epithets that women use to depict their looks.  Very often: slim, supple waist, pleasantly plump; a bit less often: slender, tiny, with impressive shapes, stylish, appealing, charming, sexy, of nice appearance, looking younger, beautiful, very beautiful; sometimes: dazzling and even stunning. These are the words the attracting side uses in order to reach their goal. The opposite side, as we are going to learn later, is interested both in plump and tiny shapes. Of course, men are interested in age and stature of women, which they can get from the numeral indications.

The second men’s concern are eyes (blue, green, dark-blue, gray, brown, expressive) and hair (fair, golden, blond, brown, red, dark, curly).

Long hair appears to be a strong point of attraction in some women’s view. It may seem that such a temporary characteristic is not worth including in a short ad. Today one’s hair is short, tomorrow it has grown long. Still, a lot of women include it. They feel that there is something in the long hair. What is it? We will just take some time answering this curious question till we pass to men’s opinion.

We have looked at a woman limited expressing herself to a few lines of an ad. In real life when there is no intermediary between her and men, she has a much ampler range of attracting means. Cosmetics, perfumes, jewelry, adornments, body movements, gait, the way of sitting and standing up, naked arms, the length of skirt, slits, semi-transparent blouses, slinky tops, trousers which accentuate the thigh line, shorts and swimsuits, all these means are used together or in turn depending on the goals and circumstances. Look at me, men! Die of envy, competitors! I am a woman! By the way, for women it is more difficult due to the objective reasons to compete with each other. As we know, women are more averaged than men; they are more like each other. Yet, working on appearance opens new spaces.

In the previous chapter we asked ourselves: what is the outfit of woman, who is attracting men, choosing from them the worthy ones and objectively performing the sexual selection? Now we will easily answer. She is wearing clothes that accentuate her beneficial parts or, on the opposite, conceal her imperfections, her outfits open up a little bit her “prohibited zones”, or cover them in such a way that a man would perceive the exciting shapes. Fabric, design, color, accessories, and all the possible means go into struggle. Of course, making a report at a scientific conference a woman is not supposed to get armed to the teeth. However, she is not to look like a member of the Antisexual League.

It is out of the question that for a woman her own appearance is a cause of immense importance. It may be even more important than her health. Demonstrating their appealing looks, women catch men’s attention and captivate them. This is the reason why women are so responsive to compliments. Compliments help promote attention to her appearance in the same way as praise promotes attention to moral or businesslike qualities of men.

We have just seen what woman supplies to the market of human qualities. Along with external, in fact biological, features women advertise their social qualities: sincerity, decency, absence of bad habits, refinement, etc. However, without any doubt, the overwhelming majority of women give their social traits a second place after biological features. And what is more important, most women try to show their natural attractiveness through the social traits.

What is the women’s demand?

As we have already noticed, as a rule, describing a man they wish to meet women do not say anything about his exterior. Of course, it does not mean that woman is indifferent to man’s physical appearance. She is not, but appearance is of secondary importance for her. Although, there are two parameters that make up an exclusion. The two characteristics woman cares for are age and stature.

Both women and men think that he has to be older and taller and she younger and shorter.  Both sexes think that it is so evident that there is no use of including these features in the list of partner’s desired qualities. We are able to explain the age difference. It is known that women become mature earlier than men. Plus, throughout the exploitation society era the age gap is bigger. When the relations between man and woman are that of master and property, man has to become a master before he marries. And what about stature? What do you think, what kind of explanation do women have for it? It turns out to be that the major part of the fair sex thinks that accompanied by a short gentleman it is disreputable to go out for a walk in a park, visit a concert or go shopping. We are not satisfied with such an explanation. So the problem persists. We will solve it in the next chapter.

Women look at men as social beings. Among the authors of the ads only one looks indifferent to the partner’s human qualities. But it is hard to say, to what extent is it truth and to what extent it is a game. What will F: 47, 164cm say if some “decent kind guy” proposes to her by mail from the jail where he is staying for burglary and inflicting severe physical injuries? Will she rush to save him or her own self?

Some women demand of men more, others demand less, still we take the courage of molding a masculine ideal, basing ourselves on the scarce data that we have considered above. Who is the one with whom she will not be afraid not only to leave for America, but also to stay in Russia?

According to an average Russian woman, he is a little older than her, taller, reliable and decent. Other qualities either repeat the above (responsible, independent, self-confident, honest), or appear sporadically.

Now let us see if men’s supply and demand correspond to that of women. This time we offer you a selection of typical men’s introductions [Из рук в руки. 2000. №№ 100, 104, 127, 128, 137].

M: 21, 178cm. Handsome, independent, St. Petersburg guy seeks a beautiful girl for serious relationship, possible living together at my place.

M: 23, 187cm. Seeking for a girl for family, attractive, slender, long hair, under 20 y.o., stature 162cm+ . About myself: good-looking, sense of humor, dacha, car, apartment, own business.

M: 27, 175cm. Officer, single, financially secure, will meet a girl, not slim, under 23 y.o., for serious relationship.

M: 29, 170cm. Common working guy. Seeking his happiness – lonely, not tall, modest, homely girl, that appreciates honesty and faithfulness, believing in love. For family. Your child is not an obstacle.

M: 30, 175cm. Single, N/S, N/D, not rich. Seeking a lonely, practical, bosomy girl who seeks love and tenderness.

M: 32, 170cm. Without big financial problems, will meet a nice-looking woman for family.

M: 35, 180cm. Modest, trustful, good-looking, will meet a slim, communicative, for serious relationship, 18 to 30, 170-180cm, possibly with problems.

M: 38, 163cm. Modest, decent man, dreams to meet a charming slender woman 25-33 y.o.

M: 40, 178cm. Seeking woman 30-35 y.o. for family.

M: 43, 170cm. Attractive Florida man, living in St. Petersburg. Seeks slender serious girl 23-27 y.o., college educated, with sense of humor, dreaming of getting married.

M: 47, 170cm. Modest, kind, N/S, without car, not rich, not an adventurer, will meet a modest, kind, under 40 y.o., slim, without shapes, for family.

M: 53, 185cm, 85kg. N/S, apartment. Seeking good housewife for my house in the country, possibly with a daughter, possible marriage. The only request to appearance is waist.

Passing to the analysis of this selection of ads let us at once pay attention at their most substantial content. Are men’s offers compatible with women’s demands? No doubt, they are. Women need social assurance of the future marriage, so almost all men (11 out of 12) competing with each other describe their human and social qualities. Do women’s offers correspond to men’s demands? Of course, they do. Women manifest their activeness rather by form than by content, men in their turn show a big need for external qualities (10 out of 12). Only half of the men (6 out of 12) are interested in personal qualities of the future partner. Let us try to construct her ideal portrait according to the above ads.

She is younger than her partner, often much younger, shorter in stature, at least good-looking, with certain forms (ranging from splendid to none, but often, slender), she is desired to possess high housekeeping and moral qualities. As you can see, feminine ideal that we created is vague compared to the masculine. But it is not our fault. Men have more differences than women. Men’s tastes differ a lot, like any other men’s quality.  What unites men and makes them closer to each other is their weakness for women’s physical features, a predilection for beauty.

For beauty they have to sacrifice. According to US statistics, husbands of not pretty women live 12 years longer than husbands of beautiful women. Edgar Dublen, a psychologist from Yale University explains this fact assuming that a husband of a beauty lives in a permanent stress afraid of unfaithfulness. This constant alert is slowly eating his health [Наука и жизнь. 1999. № 12. С. 102]. On the other hand, as we have found out, men seek for stressful activities themselves. Still, after experiencing a stress they need a peaceful phase, which their stunning wife would never give them.

Among men’s requests sometimes there is one for long hair of the future partner. We have never met a man’s ad in which he would seek for a closely cropped woman. Women in their turn are ready to satisfy this strange need. In fact, there is nothing strange in it. Long hair is functionally linked to the female sex. Maybe the female of the human predecessor used hair for ligation of her baby’s umbilical cord. Some cultures that stay behind in their development have been using this technique till nowadays. As for the civilized countries, their female citizens have no need for long hair. However, the tradition survives. Nowadays a person with long hair is perceived by the greater part of the population as a woman, and someone with short hair as a man. Unfortunately, some pop stars do not know about it. We refer to longhaired men. As for women, they are OK with short, though feminine, haircuts. Women compete in their looks, so what they do to their hair is understandable and acceptable.

As you can see, the fuss around women’s hair has a considerable background.

Body parameters of people are linked with their sex. We are not going to speak about shoulder-girdle or hip proportions that are evident to everyone. However not everyone knows that contrary to the ideals of long-legged models admirers, women have shorter limbs than men of the equal stature. This has to do more with arms than legs [See Бебель А. Женщина и социализм. – М.-П., 1923. С. 254-255]. This kind of sexual dimorphism dates back to hundreds of thousands and even millions years ago. It originates from the difference in the instinctive activities of males and females. Males, who went on expeditions for booty, were rather interested in strong and long lower extremities than the females who kept at the site taking care after babies and working on what was brought by men. The length of the upper extremities was as well determined by the tool that men used, the manual chopper that required a big brandish. The scraper used by females in their instinctive labor proved more efficient in relatively short arms. In the course of natural selection the traits that contradicted the first in Earth history division of labor were phased out. Sexual dimorphic features were recorded in genes.

Another such feature has to deal with fingers. Normally, men’s ring finger is longer than forefinger, while women have it vice versa. To understand the origin of this difference, first take in your hand some object that could stand for the manual chopper, and then, say, a safety razor blade. When gripping a chopper the main fingers in charge are the thumb and the ring finger. To perform a scraper job one needs a long and elegant forefinger. Women’s hands are more delicate than men’s. It is curious to know that men whose ring fingers are considerably longer than forefingers have a higher level of testosterone, the hormone responsible of the formation of masculine genitals and secondary sexual characters. Women with longer forefingers have a higher level of estrogens, the female sexual hormones [See 24 часа. 1998. № 42. С. 5.].

We seem to get distracted. Those seeking their second half do not care for sexometry details. Maybe, they should?

Let us look once again to our exemplary men. Every third one accomplishes his social portrait with some aspect features (good-looking, attractive, well-built, black hair, etc.). Why not show what you have? Still, two thirds prefer not to attract attention to their looks. Does it mean that using external attractiveness is alien to men’s nature?

No, it does not. More than that, one can hardly find a man who would not use his aspect and would not adorn himself. However, while feminine adornments (clothes, hairdos, cosmetics, accessories) are to accentuate or conceal physical features, masculine decorations aim at showing social, moral and businesslike qualities.

For instance, a cap turned visor backwards in the 50s in USSR was to mark the marginality of the one who wore it, tattoos and piercings are to say how cool the one who has them is, punks’ crests and Metallica fans’ chains associate with some kind of protest. Recently, crimson jacket was a business card of a Russian nouveau riche, and a plain suit a bit worn out was an attribute of a brainworker. Though among research scientists it started to give way to a wooly pullover and jeans.

External signs speaking for a certain internal features can be very individualistic. For example, the moustache of the civil war commander Semion Budionny spoke for his fearlessness and valor. Fidel Castro’s beard is a sign of his determination to fight and win.  The neckerchief of early Andrey Voznesensky associated with freethinking and a link between his poetry and romanticists of the 60s.  The accurate modest jacket of Kim Jong Il in the years of his being The Dear Leader spoke for diligence and docility of the top apprentice of The Great Leader Kim Il Sung. The scarf of Mikhail Piotrovsky points at businesslike as well as artistic manner of the scientist. The wide-brimmed hat of Mikhail Boyarsky expresses his musketeer ambitions. The bristle of Valery Gergiev signifies his free manner and non-conventionalism. At least, this is the impression they produce.

Book and movie characters have the likely attributes. The pipe of Sherlock Holmes associates with analytical mind (in its deductive variant). The cigar of general Ivolgin, a character of the popular movie, is a sign of permanent and self-confident devil-may-care imperturbability. The crumpled cape of lieutenant Colombo, on the contrary, conceals (not for us, of course!) his detective skills.

As we can see, men use women’s weapons. But with their help they show their internal features, still being men.

Men are exhibitors and suppliers of the internal human qualities; women are spectators and consumers of those. Respecting to biological external qualities women and men change their roles. The part the of active side is played by women. They show, offer, get persistent, sometimes even too much. The feminine activeness consists in promoting her external magnificence.

To fulfill the tasks of this chapter we need only to describe the masculine passiveness. It is not going to take much space. Unlike activeness that catches one’s eye shouting and attracting attention by its vivid colors, passiveness is silent, quiet, and contemplative. What can we say about it? Not much…

Still, again we are lucky having found the proper word. Contemplative… That is what we need! If we describe a man contemplating a woman we will get the idea of the masculine passiveness. Women rather observe than contemplate men, trying to understand their personal traits. Women appeal to reason and experience. And men? What aide do they have?

What happens inside man’s brain when he sees a bright shining wrapper, under which it is impossible to see the social core?

Have you got any guesses? Very well. I wish men excused the comparison that we are going to make.

By the way, in most cases nothing extraordinary can be found under the shining shell. As we know, women are averaged, while extremists are to be found par excellence among men.

And now here is the comparison. For a few decades the author of these lines has been fishing for predators. This experience makes us think that we can professionally talk about fishing and fish behavior. What do you think happens to a perch or a grayling when it sees a spoon? Are you going to say: it bites? It really does, but it is the second act of the drama. Before that, the poor predator gets numb with pleasure anticipating the catch, then rushes forward with passion chasing the desired object and… What happens next has no relation to our theme. Still, we can continue for those who are interested. The fisherman pulls the former predator out to the bank, presses it to the ground with his rubber boot so that it would not escape back to the river. Then sets the fish on a stringer (a sort of safety pin), which goes under the gills, and ties the stringer (it has about 1 meter long fishing line fastened to it) to a peg. Now go and feel at home, dear friend!

Something very similar happens to a man contemplating the woman’s glamour. What words would be the best to name his state of being? Bewilderment, trance, stupor, prostration… Man looses his head. In fact, when one is aimed at external, biological features there is no big need in it. Eyes and instincts will do OK. Man loves (perceives) the woman with his eyes, and woman… No, not with her ears. With her ears woman perceives the compliments. Woman perceives the man with her head. However, now we are concerned about man.

His state of passiveness consists in loosing his head.

Now let us sum up rather a big number of opposites that comprise dialectical unities we have come across throughout the first and second chapters.

1. Feminine activeness consists in exhibiting her external, in fact biological, qualities. In her being active woman behaves as a female animal. Masculine passiveness consists in rather thoughtless, instinctive, we would even say animal contemplation of the woman’s biological constituent. Like Zhvanetsky put it, “thoughts and women do not visit a man at the same time”. In his state of passiveness man behaves like a male animal.

2. Women apply social measurements to men when they make a choice. They are “sociologists”; their masculine ideal is socially oriented. Men choose basing on external, natural parameters and the impression produced by the woman; they are “biologists” and their feminine ideal is biologically oriented.

Woman is more interested in the man’s content; man is rather interested in the woman’s form.

Woman having come across a man who satisfies her minimal demands thinks and considers. Man in a similar situation gets an electric discharge in his brain.

3. Offering themselves women act as “biologists”, demonstration of the aspect features is a feminine instinct. Men demonstrating their qualities act as “sociologists”.

4. Attracting men’s attention women compete with each other mostly for their external values; men attract women by their internal values and compete in this field.

5. Catching men’s eye women as well use masculine weapons. Though demonstrating their social qualities they are prone to underline their natural biological attractiveness. Men in their turn resort to female weapons. However, through the external means of attraction they demonstrate their internal qualities.

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